Profile
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| User: | derghaust (1085320) journeys in the childhood of a narcissus
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| Name: | pelicanese | |||||
| Website: | my myspace | |||||
| Location: | Fresno, California, United States | |||||
| Birthdate: | 1984-09-28 | |||||
| LJ Talk: |
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| AOL IM: |  derghaust (Add Buddy, Send Message) | |||||
| Bio: | WARNING: I am a 23-year-old boy. I live with my parents. I am moving to another city soon, but I do not know when. I have not yet moved to another city and started my own life – goals I have had since I can remember having goals – because I am afraid of leaving. I am afraid of leaving because I never want it to become easy. I know too many people for whom leaving has become the easiest way to deal with problems. I have become the opposite kind of person. I am the kind of person for whom staying has become the easiest way to deal with my problems. I do not want to take the easy way if it is not the best way, or the right way. I sometimes think that the best way and the right way can be opposite things, and this only adds to my confusion. I have a job, but I am broke. I believe that a man should have a job because it affords him the opportunity to comfortably pursue his interests. I also believe that if a man's job is interfering with his pursuit of his interests, he should seriously consider quitting his job. I have quit many jobs. I also quit school. I could without error be labeled a 'quitter.' I think sometimes that I am either too much of a quitter or not enough of one. I think I am living in a limbo between the realms of abject failure and the possibility of success. I think I stay in this limbo by choosing to quit things. I think sometimes I quit because more than anything in the world I am afraid of failing. I am a student who is not in school, a writer who doesn't write, a reader who never finishes books, a friend who doesn't return phone-calls, a misanthrope searching for acceptance, a dreamer who cannot remember his dreams... I am living beneath my potential. I occasionally do not believe in 'potential' as a concept, because I think it lets quitters off the hook. I still use the term in reference to myself because it makes me feel better about the fact that I often believe I could have done better. I feel regret more powerfully than most other emotions. I sometimes wish that, by doings things that I am afraid of, I would learn to be as comfortable regretting mistakes I have made as I currently am regretting good decisions I wish I had not made instead. I also fear, however, that I would begin to stop thinking of them as mistakes at all. I believe that the key to a man's happiness is becoming comfortable with his own paradoxical nature. I am occasionally comfortable with my own. I do not believe that contradictions are flaws. I do have many flaws. I am afraid, reclusive, cold, arrogant, pretentious, emotionally distant, lazy, a procrastinator, and others I have not yet been informed of. I am probably too comfortable with all of these flaws for my own good. I usually have difficulty differentiating between the flaws and the contradictions. I think despite my flaws and despite my contradictions – or perhaps because of both of them – I am on my way to becoming a deep, well-rounded, self-actualized human-being. I think that despite my flaws and despite my contradictions – or perhaps because of both of them – I am a very long way away. | |||||
| Memories: | 2 entries | |||||
| Interests: | 107: acid mothers temple, adobe photoshop, alice coltrane, apocalypse, athanasius kircher, baby huey, baron haussmann, being swept away, ben marcus, big sur, bone thugs-n-harmony, books as artifacts, borg vs. mcenroe, brian evenson, bruno schulz, castanets, cepholapoda, converse jack purcells, corduroy, cormac mccarthy, crossword puzzles, daguerreotypes, daydreams, dilettantism, don hertzfeldt, dre and snoop, dreamtigers, dueling, e.m. cioran, economic history, ennio morricone, eschatology, fencing, fernando pessoa, forteana, fresh prince of bel-air, fresno, full head of mosquitoes, futura, giving vegans the meat, godspeed you! black emperor, gordon lish, gérard de nerval, hating dave eggers, horology, insect speed, j. crew, jack gilbert, james brown, jane jacobs, jean-luc godard, joseph eichler, judgment day, kazuo ishiguro, kids in the hall, labyrinths, leonard cohen, leviathan, lists of books, m. john harrison, mervyn peake, miranda july, naturalists, nostalgia, novelle, open road, otis redding, ouroboros, outremer, paranoia, patek philippe, personal mythologies, pieter hugo, powell's, professor seagull/joe gould, quiet introspection, r.m. berry, regret, rené lacoste, robert coover, scotch, sergei eisenstein, sexy librarians, silence, simone de beauvoir, solitude vs. loneliness, soul, stax/volt, steven millhauser, symbolic logic, tennis, the big lebowski, the big sleep, the humument, the shape of things, trashy fantasy novels, tweed, used bookstore owners, utter failure, voyeurism, w.g. sebald, walton ford, wanderlust, watching people, wes anderson, wunderkammen, édouard manet | |||||
| Schools: | None listed | |||||
| Friends: | ||||||
| Mutual Friends: | 32: a_hunger_artist, ashcanprobably, brakmobile, bunkum, chocolatebark, croeso_charlie, dreamer_undone, dryride, enept, grand_illusion, gringo_in_tj, halfjapanesesal, ieatbigboogers, jhadae, krystencarol, lord_whimsy, meglocrush, myonephonecall, ophelia_queiroz, peake, peduncle, perfectlylegal, pugofwar, rockdove, schwarzes_herz, screensters, socratic_irony, tdaschel, torrential, vichywater, weasels_of_fire, wonderleafy | |||||
| Account type: | Basic Account | |||||
