User Profile

WARNING: Some Most facts will be exaggerated, altered, or ignored completely in an effort to improve the Story.



I am a 23-year-old boy. I live with my parents. I am moving to another city soon, but I do not know when. I have not yet moved to another city and started my own life – goals I have had since I can remember having goals – because I am afraid of leaving. I am afraid of leaving because I never want it to become easy. I know too many people for whom leaving has become the easiest way to deal with problems. I have become the opposite kind of person. I am the kind of person for whom staying has become the easiest way to deal with my problems. I do not want to take the easy way if it is not the best way, or the right way. I sometimes think that the best way and the right way can be opposite things, and this only adds to my confusion.

I have a job, but I am broke. I believe that a man should have a job because it affords him the opportunity to comfortably pursue his interests. I also believe that if a man's job is interfering with his pursuit of his interests, he should seriously consider quitting his job. I have quit many jobs. I also quit school. I could without error be labeled a 'quitter.' I think sometimes that I am either too much of a quitter or not enough of one. I think I am living in a limbo between the realms of abject failure and the possibility of success. I think I stay in this limbo by choosing to quit things. I think sometimes I quit because more than anything in the world I am afraid of failing. I am a student who is not in school, a writer who doesn't write, a reader who never finishes books, a friend who doesn't return phone-calls, a misanthrope searching for acceptance, a dreamer who cannot remember his dreams...

I am living beneath my potential. I occasionally do not believe in 'potential' as a concept, because I think it lets quitters off the hook. I still use the term in reference to myself because it makes me feel better about the fact that I often believe I could have done better. I feel regret more powerfully than most other emotions. I sometimes wish that, by doings things that I am afraid of, I would learn to be as comfortable regretting mistakes I have made as I currently am regretting good decisions I wish I had not made instead. I also fear, however, that I would begin to stop thinking of them as mistakes at all.

I believe that the key to a man's happiness is becoming comfortable with his own paradoxical nature. I am occasionally comfortable with my own. I do not believe that contradictions are flaws. I do have many flaws. I am afraid, reclusive, cold, arrogant, pretentious, emotionally distant, lazy, a procrastinator, and others I have not yet been informed of. I am probably too comfortable with all of these flaws for my own good. I usually have difficulty differentiating between the flaws and the contradictions. I think despite my flaws and despite my contradictions – or perhaps because of both of them – I am on my way to becoming a deep, well-rounded, self-actualized human-being. I think that despite my flaws and despite my contradictions – or perhaps because of both of them – I am a very long way away.



WARNING: This is a year old. I left. I can't be arsed to write a new soul-searching profile right now. Most of this information, however, is still as true as it was.

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